The Yellow Road

Sometimes…when I spend many hours alone
I start thinking…the memories…the journals
The lovers…the walks…the heart ache…
The I love you…the I hate you…

Sometimes…I remember different images
The purple book…the first cigarette…the airplane tag
The hang over…the pills…the white powder
The it’s not me…it’s my twin sister that you know…

Sometimes…I ache for different things
The perfect cup of coffee in 1999
The best night out in 2004
The unbuttoned shirt in 1995

I shake my head…trying to focus on the present
But I always tend to slip back…back…back…
The first kiss…biting tongues
Climbing a tree…Rasha cutting her chin
Following a turtle…getting her leg cut
Seven rabbits…waiting for us at home

I go back in time…watching it…
The stage…the first class…
The little white dress…the tight shoes
The first Halloween…my great aunt’s death
The first sleep over…the first period…birth control
The murder of my uncle…the suicide of my friend…
Deaths…deaths…deaths…

There are also happy thoughts…waiting to be mentioned
The Barbie night…the famous road trip…the debate…
The outstanding madness…the best play…
The best dawn…the most precious love…
The curtain call…the laughter…
The snow…Browny running through it…

Breaking a cycle and getting through…simply getting through…
It always tends to evolve…into a spiral…of unknown origin…
A certain depth of field… an unmarked region…of hopeless thoughts…
When memories glide…slipping through time…waiting…simply waiting…

Then there are times…when I hope…hope for something new…
As well as happiness…that guides me…through this void…
The shaky hands…high blood pressure…the white room…
Sunlight breaking…through my skull…my pupils shrinking…

Sometimes…I think of today…the grown woman…staring at me…
The big brown eyes…the long brown hair…the pale skin…
I don’t seem to find…my smile…my perfect hands…
It’s as if every fraction…is molded…within my stress lines…

They say time will…heal…mend…surpass…evolve…
But it is time…that has taken my tomorrow’s…and made them yesterday…